April 11, 2026
Happy Birthday,
Poodle!
From your hooman, with all the ummaas in the world 🐞
LEVEL 29 UNLOCKED
🎂🐩🍗❤️
The Countdown
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The Damage Report 📋
29
years of being unreasonably cute
and dangerously good at stealing hoomans
and dangerously good at stealing hoomans
✓ Survived 10,592 days on this planet
✓ Mastered the art of "Patootieee annuuu"
✓ Currently learning Bengali (khub sundor progress)
✓ Promoted to: legal partner in crime & patts
○ Failing to convince hooman to dance (ongoing, unresolved)
✓ Mastered the art of "Patootieee annuuu"
✓ Currently learning Bengali (khub sundor progress)
✓ Promoted to: legal partner in crime & patts
○ Failing to convince hooman to dance (ongoing, unresolved)
* hooman's dance rating remains at 0.3/10. patootie accepts no liability.
Classified Document 🔒
Partnership Agreement — Case #1104
SubjectPatootie (aka Poodle)
DOB11.04.1997
StatusPermanently Taken
By WhomOne hooman 🐞
OffenseBeing too cute to function
SentenceLifetime of ummaas
New TitleLegal Partner in Crime & Patts
WeddingNov / Dec — stuck with each other forever
AppealDenied. No take-backs.
APPROVED ✓
The Fine Print 📜
Official Partnership Agreement — Effective Immediately
The Party of the First Part ("Hooman") hereby declares the Party of the Second Part ("Poodle/Patootie/Patoots") as his official, irrevocable, non-negotiable partner in crime, patts, and all biriyani-related activities.
All ummaas, cuddles, and "miss you" texts shall continue in perpetuity, across all Indhiyas, time zones, and moods.
The Hooman reserves the right to not dance. Any glimpse you may catch is likely your imagination. The Hooman accepts no liability for secondhand embarrassment.
This agreement supersedes all previous "chumma questions" and all "can I ask you something" moments — both parties know what those were really about.
Vivek 🐞
The Hooman
____________
The Poodle
Us in Numbers 📊
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9,688
Messages sent
📅
135
Days of chatting
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Times "poodle" said
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Ummaas exchanged
A Little Something 🎬
keep scrolling, there's more below ↓
tap to play / pause · sound off (song's better anyway 🎵)
Made with ❤️ (and Claude, obviously) by your hooman